Vietnam Day 49 (7/26/09)

For two weeks now I've eaten nothing but egg and bread for breakfast, but now it's the weekend and I finally have time for pho. It wasn't bad for hotel pho, but I must admit I was a bit underwhelmed. I miss having five hundred pho places to choose from like we did in Saigon, but this will just have to do for now. I'm finding MoCay harder to live in than Saigon. Still unclear whether that's because there's simply less to do here or because I'd settled into a routine in the city and now I'm being shaken out of it. I'm becoming more aware every day of how little time we have left here.

We rode over to the same room where we met the politician last week, this time for a discussion with a war veteran. He was a very skinny, frail old man but whenever he spoke he got out of his chair and stood up straight until he'd finished, an impressive feat given how long-winded he was. He said repeatedly that he didn't have enough time to tell us all about his experiences in the war but he did share with us the story of the most glorious victory he ever took part in. In this battle, the Vietnamese infantry was greatly outnumbered but they had a very strategy, hiding along the sides of a very narrow path that American troops used. Because of the way the path was set up, only the American soldiers on the sides could fight and those in the middle. My first reaction was admiration for the tact and intelligence of the Vietnamese troops, but then I caught myself and realized that my countrymen were on the other side of this "victory." I asked him how many casualties were on both sides and he reported twenty three Vietnamese to roughly four hundred and fifty American dead. Purely in terms of statistics these numbers are very impressive but when you think of the real people involved it's incredibly tragic. That makes the fact that this battle is his fondest memory of the war a little more questionable to my mind. He was forty seven at the time of this battle (much older than I expected), so he was a fully conscious adult, not just some naive kid with nothing but orders and a rifle.

When Molly asked about his feelings about America today, he responded with a very calm diplomatic answer about the war being in the past, expressing his support for the current economic cooperation. He did however accompany this statement with his one complaint that the Vietnamese government has done its part to recover remains of American soldiers while the US has taken no responsibility for the continuing effects of Agent Orange. Following her translation of this comment, Alice added some extra information, telling us that when Clinton normalized relations with Vietnam, he got them to sign off saying that America was not financially responsible for the affects of Agent Orange. She added that most Vietnamese don't know this because the government won't admit to the people that they waive the right to blame America for this devastating mistake (though personally I think it was Clinton who was morally reprehensible in this case). This added information was very interesting to us, but Hieu informed Alice afterwards that if any of the People's Committee officials in the room at the time had understood English she could be in huge trouble right now. Politics of the war are still a hot-button issue here and the government continues to keep many details very hugh-hush.

When he answered the Americans' questions, the veteran was very collected, but as soon as the questions started coming in Vietnamese he got very agitated. He explained the patriotism that motivated him to join the war with fervor in his shaking voice and powerful sweeping hand gestures. He told a story about an eighteen year old American soldier he met during the war who threw down his gun to express his disdain for the war so the veteran said he understands that the American people didn't often agree with the government about the war but many of his other comments conflicted with this statement. His voice raised in anger as he blamed the US entirely for all the fighting between Northern and Southern Vietnamese people and complained of the hypocrisy of an America that claims to believe in freedom but invaded his country to take away Vietnamese liberty (and I can't say I entirely disagree with him). He closed by asking us to go to America and tell people the truth, an odd request given that Americans are taught about his perspective among others to get the whole picture, whereas he only knows one version - hearing him talk was affecting but I don't think I learned any new "truths." Before leaving, he asked that one of the Americans make a closing statement, either implying or outright requesting a formal apology from us for the war. This is one speech I might have actually wanted to give if only I knew how - I certainly don't feel qualified to speak for the American government and I wasn't sure how to tip-toe around that. Fortunately, Molly took the ball and thanked him for speaking to us and giving us his perspective, carefully avoiding an apology. He seemed pacified enough but he didn't really makes eye-contact with any of us. I do feel very sorry for what he's been through, but I still don't feel compelled to apologize for my government.

After only two weeks, I feel like I'm already over MoCay. I'm not exactly homesick, but I prefer either the Saigon or the US to here. It's just that there's nothing to do here and no freedom to go where we like. We feel very under the thumb of the government with the police and the People's Committee constantly spying on us because we're foreigners and they don't want us to get hurt on their watch (for instance, they delivered an official-looking envelope to Alice and inside were instructions to ride our bikes in a single-file line and with both hands on the handlebars - how could they have known we weren't doing that unless they were being creepy and watching us constantly). I also hate the feeling of living in a hotel. It feels so artificial and doesn't make for a good living space. My cubical room feels very cramped and claustrophobic and all the naked women depicted on every wall of the hotel are still pretty weird. Maybe it's just the bad feng shui in my room messing me up (we have mirrors facing each other which is apparently a big no no).